New York, NY -- If John Kerry loses the election today (Nov. 2), he should have plenty of dinner dates to keep him busy. According to a poll by the Zagat Survey, 52 percent of Americans would like to have dinner with Kerry while only 48 percent want to break bread with George W. Bush.

INDIANAPOLIS -- George W. Bush won't get a kick out of this news: A new survey conducted for a book about derrieres called -- what else? -- "Derriere: The Book," suggests that 62 percent of Americans want to kick the president in the behind. British prime minister Tony Blair and Dick Cheney bring up the rear with six percent of the vote.

NEW YORK -- John Kerry's daughter, Alexandra, may be the real winner in this year's presidential campaign. According to a "Political Ho Down" sponsored by Heavy.com, Alexandra Kerry is the presidential babe that voters would most want to spend the night with in the Lincoln Bedroom.

DES PLAINES, Ill. -- Elephants can't vote but two pachyderm pundits will be participating in a straw poll this morning (Nov. 2) in Des Plaines, Illinois. Two non-partisan elephants with the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus will be given bales of straw featuring the names of John Kerry and George W. Bush. The candidate whose bale has the least straw after five minutes of chomping will be declared the winner.

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