Jersey City, NJ -- No one knows exactly what is said behind closed doors at the White House -- but a New Jersey author is willing to imagine the conversations.

Author Bruce Carlson has just published a new satirical book, "The Secret Conversations of Bush and Cheney" (dangfunnypolitics press) that he says predicts the would-be conversations between George W. Bush and Dick Cheney based on their public personalities.

One hypothetical discussion includes Bush wondering why Cheney has a secret, undisclosed location and muttering, "I'm No. 1, he's No. 2!"

Carlson claims he's been pretty close to knowing what's been said behind closed doors since the beginning of the administration.

For instance, a few years ago, he sent out a fake e-mail featuring a bogus Bush bragging about how much he can bench press -- and later read in a Bob Woodward book that the president does this a lot.

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