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» Microsoft TV Dinner '01

Instructions for Microsoft's TV Dinner:

First, you must remove the plastic cover. In doing so, you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner as this would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights. However, you may allow others to smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Now, set the oven using the following keystrokes:

mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat

Then enter:

ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme

If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.

If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner which are found on the package label, the weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking, then press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your specification.

Be forewarned, it is possible that Microsoft dinners may crash. Should this happen, your oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. First, remove the dinner from the oven. Then enter:

ms.nodarn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap

There is a possibility that this process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave, then doing a cold reboot. Should this not work, contact your oven vendor. The oven itself is obviously on the blink.

A number of users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to fit in your oven, it will be necessary for you to upgrade your equipment.

At this time, dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken variety is currently produced. Should you want another variety, call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really don't want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.

Microsoft has revealed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the large family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.

Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '01. However, that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get excited in advance.

Please note that Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably needed defrosting anyway.

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